Moving in together is a big step in any relationship. It’s a sign that you’re both willing to take on responsibilities together and share your lives in a more intimate way. It’s exciting and thrilling, but it’s also a big decision that both partners need to be on board with. Before you move in together, there are important questions that need to be asked and answered. Not only will this help you avoid conflicts in the future, but it will also help prepare you for what’s to come.
25 Important Questions to Ask before Moving in Together
1. Why do we want to move in together?
Before getting into the logistics of moving in together, it’s important to discuss the motivation behind it. Ask your partner why they want to move in together - is it to save money on rent, spend more time together, take the next step in your relationship, or something else entirely? Understanding why you’re both interested in making this move will help you set expectations and goals for your new living arrangement.
2. What are our expectations for living together?
Living together means sharing a space, sharing responsibilities, and sharing your lives more intimately. Discussing your expectations for daily life is an important step in the process. How do you both envision your daily routines? What are your priorities for your shared living space? Will you share chores or divide them up? What are your expectations for personal space? Talking about these things will help ensure that you’re on the same page and reduce the likelihood of misunderstandings later on.
3. What do we know about each other’s habits and routines?
You might know a lot about your partner before moving in together, but you might not know everything. Discussing habits, pet peeves, and routines can go a long way in helping you avoid conflicts down the road. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Do you need your alone time? Do you have any particular habits that your partner should be aware of? By having an open and honest conversation, you can make sure that you’re both prepared for living together.
4. What happens if we disagree with each other or have an argument?
Disagreements and conflicts are a natural part of any relationship, but they can be amplified when you’re living together. Having a plan in place for when disagreements arise is important. Discuss your conflict resolution strategies and decide on healthy ways to communicate about disagreements. This can include a “time out” policy, regular check-ins, or even couples therapy if needed.
5. What is our budget for living expenses?
Money can be a sticky subject, but it’s important to discuss before moving in together. You and your partner should come up with a detailed budget that includes all living expenses and agree on how you will divide them. This includes rent, utilities, groceries, and any other shared expenses. By establishing a budget upfront, you can avoid misunderstandings and financial stress down the road.
6. How will we divide household responsibilities?
Living together means sharing household responsibilities, such as cleaning, cooking, and grocery shopping. Discussing who will take care of what can help reduce any misunderstandings or stress that could come up. Will one of you be responsible for most of the cooking? Will you divide cleaning tasks up equally? Whatever you decide, make sure that you’re both comfortable with the division of labor.
7. How will we deal with house guests?
Before you move in together, talk about how you will handle friends and family wanting to visit. Will you set a limit on how long guests can stay? Are there any times of the year that visiting won’t work? Discussing this ahead of time will help ensure that you’re both on the same page and avoid any hurt feelings.
8. What is our policy on using each other’s belongings?
Moving in together means sharing space and belongings in new ways. Establishing some ground rules on how you will share personal property is important to avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings. Will you have separate closets or share them? Can anyone use your partner’s computer or phone? Make sure to discuss these things upfront.
9. How do we plan to handle household duties?
When living together, it’s important to establish how you will handle household duties such as maintenance and repair. Will you divide up the work or hire outside help? By discussing this ahead of time, you can make sure that you’re both comfortable with the arrangements.
10. Are there any deadlines we need to meet before moving in?
It’s important to set a timeline and make sure everyone is aware of important deadlines related to the move. Make a list of tasks to complete before the move, such as changing your address, setting up utilities, and packing. This will help ensure that you’re both prepared and avoid any last-minute stress.
11. What are our pet policies?
If either of you has pets, it’s important to talk about how to handle them when moving in together. Will both pets move in or only one? How will you integrate them into the household? What are your policies on pet care and training? Ensuring that you’re both on the same page when it comes to pets is important for a smooth transition.
12. What are our long-term goals in this relationship?
Living together is a big step in any relationship and it’s important to discuss the future and your long-term aspirations. Do you both envision getting married and starting a family? Do you have the same vision for your future together? Having an open and honest conversation about the future can help ensure that you’re both on the same page.
13. How will we handle unexpected life events?
Life is unpredictable and it’s important to have a plan in place for unexpected events that may affect your living situation. Discuss together the options for things such as job loss, health issues, or relocation. By having a plan in place, you can reduce the stress and uncertainty of unexpected events.
14. What is our policy on overnight guests?
When living together, overnight guests are a reality. Discuss together how to handle overnight guests such as asking for permission or setting restrictions. What are your privacy expectations?
15. What is our policy on social media?
Social media can cause conflict in relationships. Establish rules or boundaries for posting information about your relationship on social media and consider talking about how much is too much. Ensuring you don't over-share or air your dirty laundry online can help your relationships thrive.
16. What is our plan for making decisions together?
Making decisions together is important and it’s good to establish a communication plan as to how jointly you will make decisions about events, purchases, and other aspects of your shared life. Having an agreed upon plan in place ensures that you’re both on the same page when it comes to making decisions that will affect your shared life.
17. What is our work schedule?
Discussing your work schedule and how it will affect your daily routines is important. Will one of you work late nights or weekends? How will this affect the division of household duties? Ensuring that you’re both clear on each other’s work schedules can help reduce confusion and misunderstandings down the road.
18. What is our plan for combining our personal finances?
Discussing how you will finance your shared living arrangements and if you have joint accounts or keep your finances separate. Ensuring you have a good financial plan in place can help you avoid financial stress in the future.
19.What will our shared bills look like?
Establishing who will pay for what type of bills is important to ensure that nobody is over-burdened with household expenses. What is the split? A 50/50 split is traditional, but it's not always appropriate.
20. What is our policy on mealtime preferences?
Both partners may have different meal preferences and eating habits, it’s important to establish what this will look like on a daily basis. Will you each cook your meals, share cooking responsibilities, or implement other methods of compromise? Are you okay with the other person not having the same diet as you?
21. How will we allocate personal space in the shared living arrangement?
Knowing who gets what personal space, how much you get, and how you will share the space with each other is important. Whether it's simply separating closets, or one of you getting the whole living room to oneself, knowing where you'll want privacy is crucial for moving in together.
22. How will we balance date nights and social outings?
Establishing how you can maintain romantic moments and friendship dates is important. Make a plan for date nights and friend outings that works for both of you. Ensure that your social schedule doesn't get in the way of important relationship moments.
23. What’s the long-term vision for our relationship?
Discussing long-term goals and commitments is essential before moving in together. Do both of you envision sharing a lifetime and building a future together? What is the plan in the next five years?
24. What do we know about each other’s friends and family?
Establish strong boundaries with each others’ family and friends, know each others’ expectations, and get to know each others’ support systems and how to navigate them.
25. How will we allocate shared work responsibilities?
Ensure that there is a clear and concise plan for sharing household duties. This avoids any confusion or misunderstandings about who is responsible for what chores, and ensures that both parties have a fair workload.
In conclusion, asking these important questions before moving in together can help set the foundation for a successful living arrangement. It’s important to have open and honest communication with your partner to ensure that you’re both on the same page. While it can be easy to get caught up in the excitement of moving in together, taking the time to think through the important topics beforehand can help set the stage for a fulfilling and lasting life together.